Daily archives "March 11, 2019"

Two Dollars

A bum asks a man for two dollars.
The man asked, “Will you buy booze?”
The bum said, “No.”
The man asked, “Will you gamble it away?”
The bum said, “No.”
Then the man asked, “Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble.”

Doctor

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room,
waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
‘Breast-fed,’ she replied.
‘Well, strip down to your waist,’ the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said,
‘No wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.’
‘I know,’ she said, ‘I’m his Grandma, but I’m really glad I came.’

Lame Joke

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.Three weeks later, a horse walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes.He took the precious book out of the horse’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”

“Not really,” said the horse. “Your name is written inside the cover.”