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Unfaithful

A local lawyer was sitting in his office the other morning when in walked a beautiful blonde woman.

Without any preliminaries she declared that she wanted a divorce.

“On what grounds?” asked the lawyer.

“I don’t think he is faithful to me” she replied.

“And what makes you think he isn’t faithful?” asked the lawyer.

“Well for one thing” replied the young lady “I don’t think he’s the father of my child”.

Blindness

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, with a warning from the Mother Superior not to get even a drop of paint on their habits.
After conferring about this, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked…

In the middle of the project, there’s a knock at the door.
“Who is it?” calls one of the nuns.
“Blind man,” replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, both deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room.

They open the door.
“Nice boobs,” says the man. “Where do you want the blinds?”

Sure thing!

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: ‘Hello’
WOMAN: ‘Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?’
MAN: ‘Yes’
WOMAN: ‘I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000. Is it OK if I buy it?’
MAN: ‘Sure, go ahead if you really like it.’
WOMAN: ‘I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2015 Models. I saw one I really liked.’
MAN: ‘How much?’
WOMAN: ‘$128,000’
MAN: ‘OK, but for that price make sure it comes with all the options.’
WOMAN: ‘Great! Oh, and one more thing, the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000.’
MAN: ‘well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, go the extra 50 thousand if you think it’s really a pretty good price.’
WOMAN: ‘OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! You’re so generous!’
MAN: “You’re worth it. ‘Bye!’

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, with mouths agape.

The wonderful husband turns and asks: “Anybody know whose phone this is?”

Check Up

So the wife went to the doctor today and came back all excited exclaiming to me,
” Honey the doctor said I’m in great shape. He said I have the breasts of a 25 year old,
the legs of a 20 year old and the face of a 28 year old”.

Not being able to resist I said,
“So what did he say about that 50 year old ass you got?” and she replied,”
Oh honey, I’m sorry he didn’t say a thing about you.”

Kumara (New Zealand delicacy)

Known in some countries as ‘sweet potato,’ this tuber vegetable is sweet tasting as its name suggests.

The original kumara has a purple flesh, and is delicious when roasted. If you visit NZ, be sure to include it in your menu.

kumara