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Rejected Password

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer,
and at the appropriate point in the process,
told him that he would now need to enter a password.
Something he will use to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured
he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife’s attention.
So, when the computer asked him to enter his password,
he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in
P… E… N… I… S His wife fell off her chair laughing
when the computer replied: ***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH

Telephone Numbers

Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg

Hello?’

Hi honey This is Daddy Is Mommy near the phone?’
No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Dave.
After a brief pause, Daddy says,
But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Dave.
Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, Right now..

Brief Pause.

Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs
And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy
That Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.

Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.A few minutes later
The little girl comes back to the phone..

I did it, Daddy. And what happened, honey?’
Well, Mommy got all scared,
jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming..
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
And now she isn’t moving at all!

Oh, no!!! What about your Uncle Dave?’
He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.
He was all scared and he jumped out
of the back window and into the swimming pool.
But I guess he didn’t know that
you took out the water last week to clean it.
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.’

Long Pause, Longer Pause, Even Longer Pause

Then Daddy says, Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?’
No, I think you have the wrong number………

Tribute

The old Indian chief called for the two bravest warriors in the tribe.
“Running Buffalo, Falling Rocks, you go and seek buffalo skins. Whichever of you returns with the most skins will become my right hand man and will be the next chief.”
A month later, Running Buffalo came back with nearly a hundred pelts.
Sadly, Falling Rocks never returned.
The tribe organized a search and looked everywhere, but they couldn’t find the missing brave anywhere.
Today, as you drive through the West, you can see the evidence of love and devotion the tribe had for this lost warrior. Throughout the highways, on interstates and side roads, you can still see their signs that say, ‘Watch for Falling Rocks.'”

Desert Ties

A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack – selling ties.
The Taliban terrorist asked, “Do you have water?
The Jewish man replied, “I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.”
The Taliban shouted hysterically, “Idiot Infidel! I do not need such an over-priced western adornment – I spit on your ties. I need water!
“Sorry, I have none – just ties – pure silk – and only $5.”
“Pahh! A curse on your ties, I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you, but I must conserve my energy and find water!”
“Okay,” said the little old Jewish man, it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me or that you hate me, threaten my life and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need…Go In Peace!
Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away over the hill.
Several hours later, he crawled back, almost dead and gasped, “They won’t let me in without a tie!

Slatko

Slatko, a scrumptious Serbian welcome

Ingredients:

  • 1 kg plums
  • 1 kg sugar
  • Lemon juice
  • Vanilla
  • Rosette leaf

Instructions:

Slatko is made from slightly ripe plums which are peeled and put in lime water. To make lime water solution dissolve 250 g of lime into 2 l of water, stir and pour 2 more liters of water. Leave it for the lime to fall on the bottom then drain the clear solution (lime water) and put plums in the water. Leave them in this solution for at least an hour and then rinse them well and take out the pips. Using a mix of sugar and 1-2 cups of water make a syrup and cook it on low heat until the mixture reaches the consistency of honey. Add vanilla, lemon slices and a spoon of diluted citric acid. Cooked the prepared plums in this syrup for about 25 minutes and then add the rosette leaves. Take off the stove, cover with a lean, moist cloth and once it has completely cooled pour the slatko in jars.

Kajmak

Kajmak, irreplaceably good

Ingredients:

  • 100 g butter
  • 100 g hard feta cheese
  • 100 gr sour cream

Instructions:

In a bowl whisk the butter with a fork until it’s fluffy. Add crumbled feta cheese and sour cream. Mix it all well. Note: You don’t need to add salt to the kajmak as the feta cheese is salty on its own. If you like a more mild kajmak, add some cream. This 5 minute kajmak makes a wonderful spread and goes great with ćavaps.

 

Note:

That is not real Kajmak, just a lazy way to make a concotion of some cream.
Real Kajmak is made by colecting the film from boild milk and then salting it. It take a long time to collect enough to use, but it is the best! When spread on hot bread it is the best food you can eat.

Gibanica

Gibanica, a pie like no other…

If you wanted us to name a dish found nowhere else but in Serbia, we would say gibanica – a pie who has “sisters” all over the region, but which is unique to Serbia. And you can describe it with only these words – finger licking!

Ingredients:

  • 500 g filo pastry
  • 300 g cheese
  • 2 small cups of oil
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 cup sour cream
  • Some salt if the cheese isn’t salty

Instructions:

Whisk eggs with some sparkling water in a bowl, then add oil and crumbled cheese. Mix it well and then add sour cream. Mix again. Oil the baking dish and line the sheets of filo pastry. First put one layer of filo pastry at the bottom of the dish, then crumble two of them,dip them in the mixture and then spread across the dish. Put one layer again, then spread two crumbled dipped ones and repeat until you run out of the mixture. Save one layer of pastry to put on top. Pour the remaining oil over the top layer. Bake in preheated oven on medium heat until golden brown. Serve while hot. Enjoy!

Karađorđeva steak

Karađorđeva steak, the brilliant invention of a Serbian cook

Loved in Serbia and across the globe. The Karađorđeva steak, or as it is also popularly called “a girl’s dream”, is a dish created by chance but a dish that managed to win over many hearts. There are a couple of ways to make the Karađorđeva steak. Here’s one of them!

Ingredients:

  • 800 g of pork or veal fillet
  • 80–90 g of seasoned kajmak
  • 30 g flour
  • An egg
  • 30 g bread crumbs
  • oil
  • salt

Slice the fillet so that you get a sizeable steak. Pound the meat until it is thin and soft on both sides. Make one edge of the steak thinner so that it could stick easily one the meat is rolled up. Spread kajmak along the thicker edge and roll the meat into a cylinder shape. Coat the stuffed meat with flour and remove the excess flour. Then dip it into the beaten egg on all sides and then in the bread crumbs. Then roll the meat on a clean surface so that the bread crumbs stick better. Fry in hot oil until golden yellow.