Daily archives "June 6, 2015"

Don’t Mess With Old Ladies

A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked
up four cans and took them to the check out counter.

The girl at the cash register said, “I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you
cat food without proof that you have a cat.
A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof
that you are buying the cat food for your cat.”

The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to
the store. They sold her the cat food.
The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food. Again the cashier
said “I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you dog food without proof that you
have a dog. A lot of old people buy dog food to eat, but the management
wants proof that you are buying the dog food for your dog.”

So she went home and brought in her dog. She then was able to buy the
dog food.

The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little
old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier
said,
“No, you might have a snake in there.”

The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out. She said to the little old lady, “That smells like ****.”

The little old lady said, “It is. I want to buy three rolls of toilet paper.”

The Decision Is Yours

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags ripped, and every Once in a while, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, A policeman stopped her, and said, ‘Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of bag.’

‘Oh, really? Darn it!’ said the little old lady. ‘I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.’

‘Well, now, not so fast,’ said the cop. ‘Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?’

‘Oh, no, no’, said the old lady. ‘You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot.

On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden..

It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I Thought, ‘why not make the best of it?’

So, now, on game days, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my garden pruners.

Every time some guy pees through my fence, I surprise him, and say, ‘O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.’ ‘

‘Well, that seems only fair,’ said the cop, laughing. ‘OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?’

‘Well, you know’, said the little old lady, ‘not everybody pays.’

Happily Ever After