Daily archives "March 31, 2016"

Are You Kidding Me!

1) – This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) – Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) – If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don’t have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (age 7)

4) – Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) – A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.. (Billy, age 8)

6) – My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) – When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) – Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) – I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) – Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

11) – When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) – Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) – On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.. (Julie, age 7)

14) – The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don’t drown I don’t know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) – My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7) 

Password

I decided to make my password “incorrect” because if I type it in wrong, my computer will remind me, “Your password is incorrect.”

New Tech

Three guys are sitting in a sauna: a Mexican, an Asian, and a white guy. The Mexican and white guy are showing off their new tech gadgets. The white guy says, “Hey, look what I got: the new Google Glass!” The Mexican & Asian say, “Wow, that’s nice, man.” Then the Mexican guy says, “Check out my new cellphone; it’s a watch!” The white guy and Asian say, “Very cool, dude.” The Asian guy has nothing to show these guys, so he gets up and walks away naked to to the bathroom. Then he comes back 5 minutes later from the bathroom still naked with paper hanging out of his butt crack. The Mexican and white guy say, “Hey, you have something hanging out of your ass.” The Asian guy says, “Oh look, I’m receiving a Fax!”

Job Interview

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?” The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”