A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
“You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?”
“Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? ………
“What … You’re coming empty handed?”
Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things, thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.
So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say ‘Supersex.’ She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair.. Flipping her gown at him, she said, ‘Supersex…’ He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, ‘I’ll take the soup.’
TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO US!!!!
Two elderly gentlemen had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, ‘Now don’t get mad at me …. I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but I just can’t think of your name! I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is..
His friend stared at him for at least three minutes — he just stared and stared at him. Finally he said, ‘How soon do you need to know?’