A 6 year old grandson that was shopping with his grandfather got lost in the shopping centre.
The boy approached a uniformed security guard and said, “I’ve lost my grandad!”
The guard asked, “What’s his name?” The boy replied, “Grandad.”
The guard smiles, then asks “What’s he like?”
To which the little tyke hesitated for a moment and replied,
“Jack Daniels and women with big boobs!!
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old
friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the
hospital and went home, I went to visit.
‘May I see the new baby?’ I asked
‘Not yet,’ She said ‘I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.’
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, ‘May I see the new baby now?’
‘No, not yet,’ She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, ‘May I see the baby
now?’
‘No, not yet,’ replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, ‘Well, when can I see the baby?’
‘WHEN HE CRIES!’ she told me.
‘WHEN HE CRIES?’ I demanded.
‘Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?’
‘BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?’
BellaRosa
Dezire
Everything Hurts, And What Doesn’t Hurt, Doesn’t Work.
Your Little Black Book Contains Names Only Ending In M.D.
You Get Winded Playing Chess.
You Join A Health Club And Don’t Go.
You Still Chase The Opposite Sex But Don’t Know Why.
You Look Forward To Dull Evenings.
You Turn Out The Lights For Economic Rather Than Romantic Reasons.
You Sit In A Rocking Chair And Can’t Get It Going.
Your Knees Buckle And Your Belt Wont.
Dialing Long Distance Wears You Out.
Your Back Goes Out More Than You Do.
You Stick Your Teeth Into A Steak And They Stay There.
When You Buy A Kidney Shaped Pool And It Has A Stone In It.
When You Find More Of Your Hair In The Sink Than On Your Head.
When Your Weight Goes Up And Your Height Goes Down.
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer,
and at the appropriate point in the process,
told him that he would now need to enter a password.
Something he will use to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured
he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife’s attention.
So, when the computer asked him to enter his password,
he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in
P… E… N… I… S His wife fell off her chair laughing
when the computer replied: ***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH
Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg
Hello?’
Hi honey This is Daddy Is Mommy near the phone?’
No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Dave.
After a brief pause, Daddy says,
But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Dave.
Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, Right now..
Brief Pause.
Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs
And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy
That Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.
Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.A few minutes later
The little girl comes back to the phone..
I did it, Daddy. And what happened, honey?’
Well, Mommy got all scared,
jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming..
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
And now she isn’t moving at all!
Oh, no!!! What about your Uncle Dave?’
He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.
He was all scared and he jumped out
of the back window and into the swimming pool.
But I guess he didn’t know that
you took out the water last week to clean it.
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.’
Long Pause, Longer Pause, Even Longer Pause
Then Daddy says, Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?’
No, I think you have the wrong number………