The Boss
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What, Me?
Sad…………… but true
The Ark
In the year 2015, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in America and said:
“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.”
“Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.”
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
“You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but no Ark.”Noah!,” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”
“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed.”
“I needed a Building Permit.”
“I’ve been arguing with the Boat Inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.”
“My homeowners association claim that I’ve violated the
Neighbourhood by-laws by building the Ark in my back yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a decision.”
“Then the City Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it.”
“Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl.”
“I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls – but no go!”
“When I started gathering the animals, PETA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive and
it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.”
“Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on Your proposed flood.”
“I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.”
“The Immigration Dept. Is checking the visa status of most of the people who want to work.”
“The labor unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with ark-building experience.”
“To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.”
“So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark.”
“Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine and a rainbow stretched across the sky.”
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”
“No,” said the Lord. ” The Government beat me to it.”
Copy / Paste the Link
When the man stops running, hold your cursor about 1/2 inch above his head!
Can you “explain that”?
http://www.selfcontrolfreak.com/pakken.html
Selling A Cow
The farmer had been taken so many times by the local car dealer that when the dealer wanted to buy a cow, the farmer priced it to him like this:
Basic cow, $200;
two-tone exterior, $45;
extra stomach $75;
product storage compartment, $60;
dispensing device, four spigots at $10 each, $40;
genuine cowhide upholstery, $125;
dual horns, $15;
automatic fly swatter, $35.
Total = $595.
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;…
T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.
In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
“I am a dominator!!”
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one!!”
Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey!!
nice…
spring…
Filled peppers baked in oven
10 medium sized green peppers
4 soup spoons of cooking oil
1 middle sized onion
1/2 kg of ground pork meat
1 soup spoon of Vegeta or “Spice C” (a condiment)
1 tea spoon of ground black pepper
400 gr of rice
1 egg
250-350 gr of sour cream
150 ml of water
- Preparation :
1. 10 medium sized green peppers carefully excavate with the knife.
2. Turn on the stove plate, put a pan on the plate and pour in 2 soup
spoons of cooking oil to oil the pan’s bottom.
3. Peel the onion, chop it to small square pieces and pour into the pan.
4. Add 1/2 kg of ground pork meat, add 1 tea spoon of a ground black pepper, add 1 soup spoon of Vegeta or Spice C” (a condiment) and add 400 gr of rice.
5. All of that simmer about 15 minutes.
6. Turn off the stove plate, take off the pan from the plate, add 1 whole egg into the pan and whisk it all well. That’s the green peppers filling mass.
7. Each green pepper’s cave fill with this prepared filling (watching not to exceed its capacity, must not be overloaded – leave a little empty space inside the peppers cavity because the rice grow up while cooking).
8. Prepare a baking pan, oil its bottom with 1-2 soup spoons of cooking oil, smear the baking pan bottom with thin layer of sour cream.
9. Loaded green peppers with the filling mass arrange in the baking pan, add 150 ml of water and put 1 soup spoon of sour cream on top of each filled green pepper.
10.Put the baking pan into the warmed oven and bake it for about 1 hour on a temperature of 200 Celsius degrees.
11.On an half way (time) of baking process, shortly take out the pan from the oven, carefully turn over each green pepper with a spoon, take back the pan into the oven and keep baking to the end of about 1 hour total time.
12.When it’s done, take out the pan from the oven, leave it to cool down for a while, and a serving and eating in the worm condition can begin.