A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, “Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one.” The brunette says, “I’ve been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home.” POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family. Then, the red head says, “I’ve been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too.” POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks, “My dear, what’s the matter?” The blonde whimpers, “I wish my friends were still here.”
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” The blonde said “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should, she was standing on it.” A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.” Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde a dded, “it’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”
To show mind-blowing, synchronised teamwork, I’m scouring the globe for the best in blonde jokes. They’re so great, I’m even contemplating dying my grey hair blonde!
This first one bucks the trend. Yes, there are some very clever blondies!
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. ” Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.” This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. “Okay” says the lawyer, “your turn.” She asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?” The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, “Thank you,” and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?” Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. And you thought blondes were dumb.
5kg tomatoes
7kg red pepper
300ml oil
2 garlics
2 links parsley
2 cups (small, 100 ml) sugar
1-2 cups salt – to taste
400ml vinegar
Few preservatives
Bake the peppers on the grill, put them in large container with lid and let them to cool. Remove the foreskin and clean them completely from the seed. Leave them to drain in a colander.
At the bottom of the tomato cut X and soak for 5-10 minutes in boiling water. Peel it, chop finely and place in a bowl. While standing, liquid will be separated, pour it off with spoon in order to obtain dense Pindzur, full of flavor.
Cut drained peppers lengthwise into strips and put in a large pot. Add chopped tomatoes, chopped parsley, garlic, vinegar, oil and sugar. Cook for ½ hour (or a bit longer if you want thicker Pindzur) with frequent stirring. At the end gradually add the salt, trying out, until you get the desired taste. Few preservatives stir in a few tablespoons of Pindzur in a cup, until completely melted, then return it to the rest, stir and let a few more minutes to cook.
Pour hot pindzur in heated jars, close them, stacked in a deep vessel and covered with a blanket; leave to stand until completely cool – then the place jars to the shelves.
3 eggs
300 g of white cheese (i.e. ricotta or feta or similar)
1.5 cups (of 1dl) oil
4 cups of greek yogurt
3 cups of all purpose flour
3 cups corn flour
1 baking powder (10g)
So up to taste
Crumble the cheese with a fork. Combine it with beaten eggs, add the oil, yogurt, and then both types of flour mixed with baking powder. Try (little lick), and add salt to taste, bearing in mind the salinity of cheese. Pour mixture into baking pan (eg. 33x25cm) covered with parchment paper and bake in pre-heated oven at 190 degrees for 30 minutes. Cut into squares or rectangles and serve.
300g white cheese, Feta type
2-3 red peppers
Chili pepper
3 cloves garlic
salt to taste
Grill the peppers, leave in a closed pot for 1/2 hours, then peel and clean of seeds.
Press the garlic. Put cheese, cleaned peppers and pressed garlic and process to the desired texture. Add chili pepper up to taste. Try and salt eventually, bearing in mind that cheese could be salty enough.
Cool and serve with barbecue, roasted meat, as a spread etc.
2kg of tomatoes
1 garlic
5 cloves
a pinch of cinnamon
120ml vinegar
1 tablespoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
80g sugar
1 hot pepper – to taste
Wash jars thoroughly and put them in a cold oven, then turn it on 100 degrees.
Wash tomatoes thoroughly, remove stems and clean root. Cut into small pieces and place in a pot. Add cloves of garlic cut into quarters, cloves and hot pepper, if desired. Put the pot onto the stove to boil, then reduce it slightly (7th degree of 9). Stir occasionally. After an hour of cooking, add the cinnamon, vinegar, sugar, salt and pepper. Continue cooking, stirring from time to time, but now needs to be careful, since sugar could cause sticking to the bottom of the pot.
Mash cooked ketchup through a strainer. Reduce the heat, let it boil once again, then pour hot ketchup into hot jars close the lids immediately.
Note: The tomatoes will lose of original volume during the cooking process. The measure above provides approximately 300ml of ketchup.
It takes approx. two hours to cook one measure of ketchup; bigger quantities (multiplied measures) prolong cooking time to up to five hours.
1/2 l milk
50 ml of water
pinch of salt
200 – 250g stale bread (200g for thinner consistency, 250g for thicker)
1-2 tablespoons domestic kaymak
optionally cheese with higher % of fat – like feta cheese, domestic Sjenica cheese type and others.
Put milk, water and salt in a saucepan to boil. Cut bread into 1,5-2cm cubes . When the milk boils, add the bread and stir on medium heat for 3-4 minutes, to interfered all the bread evenly with milk and a mixture of insults on the desired consistency. Off the top, add the kaymak and stir. If you don’t have kaymak, you can add crushed cheese and mix well. Serve warm.
I’ve scoured the net for the ultimate witty, grimacing & nauseating collection of Christmas jokes.
They are a good reminder however that Christmas is almost upon us. Or, if read after Christmas, that before too long, another one will arrive.
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinselitis!
Why is Santa so jolly?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
RUDEolph.
What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
What is the popular Christmas carol in Desert?
Camel ye Faithful.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.
What does Santa bring naughty boys and girls on Christmas Eve?
A pack of batteries with a note saying “toy not included”.
How does a Jew celebrate Christmas?
He installs a parking meter on the roof.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
Why are women’s breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?
Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.
I hope that this selection of funnies over 2015 have raised a few smiles.
May this Christmas season bring you continued joy, as you celebrate it in
your own special way.
Tokoian
No one is excluded!
